Taking control when things are beyond your control

So much of what impacts our lives is beyond our control. Take our bodies. They are amazing, incredible products of millions of years of evolution that allow us to do what most other sentient beings can’t. We walk, talk, think, imagine, love. The loss of ability of one of my sense functions or the loss of a limb (which of course is a reality for many) would be a devastating change. And yet, I cannot fly. I cannot jump ten feet in the air. I am not naturally stacked. I increasingly get aches and pains that won’t go away. And this is just the body. Let alone our income level, our community, our society at large.

In the course I’m currently leading, “Finding Peace in a Mad World” we’ve been looking at the model of ‘sphere of control and sphere of influence’. Some things we have direct control over: food we eat, how much exercise we take, what we read and listen to, choice of friends. And some things we have a greater or lesser influence over, such as our kids upbringing, the type of environment we work in, actions about causes we care about. And there is much that is beyond our control and influence: I could put a list here but I think you can come up with many many things on your own!

So here are some suggestions for working in this model of control, influence and no control or influence, and ‘finding peace’ within it.

First, we can take steps to broaden out our sphere of influence. When we are very passionate about something, when we take to heart the full implications of a situation, we can find deep resources for motivation. We can take steps to educate ourselves further, join networks with other like-minded people and take constructive actions in support of change. If those networks don’t exist, start them yourself. Lack of control doesn’t necessarily have to be a fixed thing. We can take power into our own hands and ‘be the change we want to see in the world’.

Second, we can use outer struggles as a prompt to work on cultivating inner resources. We can develop loving kindness and compassion in response to difficult situations.  There might not be an immediate impact on wars in the Middle East, Ethiopia, Ukraine, but it might make us more naturally reach into our pockets the next time a donation is requested or raise our hand to volunteer for a local community fundraiser.

The third point follows closely the last one. We can find the sweet spot between appreciating the miraculous wonder of the opportunities that we have to ‘control’ and ‘influence’ change, while at the same time accept with as much grace as we can our limitations. As the serenity prayer says:

grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Rather than being anxious, frustrated and in a state of overwhelm about what we cannot change, we can be in a state of balance, of open-hearted readiness, ready to respond to the next challenging situation (because there will be another challenging situation), and that response could literally be life-saving.